Unconditional love. Wow, is it costly. I did not know until recently that I did not love people unconditionally. My journey through parenthood has been showing me that as long as my kids do what I think is right and acceptable it is relatively easy to love them, but what happens when they have their own ideas?
I found out that when someone I love has a different set of beliefs than me,that they are operating out of, I have a very difficult time loving them. Needless to say this begins to show through my actions and speech in short order. Why is that? Why is it that I can't love my child fully unless he/she is living the way I want them to? Is it all about control? Not sure. Is it all about protecting them? I don't know. But I do know that my children deserve my love just because they are my kids, not because of how they are living.
By not loving unconditionally, we actually push those we love away. The very thing that we are trying to avoid. I am thankful today, that I am learning how to love without conditions. It is not easy, but it is so worth it. My kids are worth it. So are yours.
Unconditional love is not by any means easy, but it is so rewarding. It actually has the potential to take a lot of pressure off of your relationships. Can you imagine how much better your relationships would be if the ones you love new that they did not have to earn that love?
It seems like an epiphany to me. I did not know that kind of love growing up so I have a very difficult time operating in it, but I am so relieved that I still get the chance to show it to my kids. Just because it is hard does not mean it is not worth it. I wish I would have know this before I had a family, it would have made life a lot easier for all of us through out the years. I guess all I can do now is look forward to better relationships with my family, friends and even the Lord.
God's love is unconditional love, and I think that I am finally beginning to understand that. Praise the Lord.
I strongly urge you to search out your own heart. Do you love people unconditionally? Or, do they feel as though they have to earn your love?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Fathers and there adult "baby girls"
One of the greatest things that ever happened to me was becoming a dad. Without question I love both of my children unconditionally. Though our situation has never been the ideal, and we have had to fight for every bit of happiness we have ever experienced, I would never give my kids up for anything.
There are times when I feel as though I am the worst father ever. Whether it is because of mistakes that I have made or other life problems, I have never really seen myself as a very good dad.
My son disagrees with me on that point. My daughter on the other hand has had a dad who has interfered in her life way too often.
As I have sought counsel recently to try and figure out why, as dads, we respond differently to life's struggles it has come out that we feel as though we are our daughters' protectors. Even if they don't want us to be.
As I have recently found out, we need to back off and let them live their own lives. It is so hard to do when your identity is wrapped up in the idea that your purpose on this planet is to protect your little girl from every conceivable heart ache. Before long, you become the heartache in her life, the person that she needs to run from rather than too.
I am learning this the hard way, but you don't have to. Learn from my mistakes. Trust that your daughter is intelligent and strong enough to make her own decisions and is capable of dealing with the consequences of those decisions. Let her go. She needs space to run free. She needs to be allowed to be independent. She is not just your little girl, she is also a woman who is an individual. Let her grow up.
I am sorry sweetheart, that I do not always make the right decision. But I am ready to get out of your way and let you become the woman that you want to be.
There are times when I feel as though I am the worst father ever. Whether it is because of mistakes that I have made or other life problems, I have never really seen myself as a very good dad.
My son disagrees with me on that point. My daughter on the other hand has had a dad who has interfered in her life way too often.
As I have sought counsel recently to try and figure out why, as dads, we respond differently to life's struggles it has come out that we feel as though we are our daughters' protectors. Even if they don't want us to be.
As I have recently found out, we need to back off and let them live their own lives. It is so hard to do when your identity is wrapped up in the idea that your purpose on this planet is to protect your little girl from every conceivable heart ache. Before long, you become the heartache in her life, the person that she needs to run from rather than too.
I am learning this the hard way, but you don't have to. Learn from my mistakes. Trust that your daughter is intelligent and strong enough to make her own decisions and is capable of dealing with the consequences of those decisions. Let her go. She needs space to run free. She needs to be allowed to be independent. She is not just your little girl, she is also a woman who is an individual. Let her grow up.
I am sorry sweetheart, that I do not always make the right decision. But I am ready to get out of your way and let you become the woman that you want to be.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Keep Fighting
Do you ever feel like there is no point to going on? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like it just isn't worth it any more? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just keeping failing? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like no one understands what you are going through? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like you will never win? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel all alone? Keep fighting.
Do you ever wonder when it will all be over? Keep fighting.
When the Lord sees you in agony, He keeps fighting.
When Jesus sees your hurt, He keeps fighting.
When the Holy Spirit feels your pain, He keeps fighting.
God will not give up on you, He keeps fighting.
God will not abandon you, He keeps fighting.
God knows the out come so He keeps fighting.
Whatever you are going through, do not lose hope, do not give up.
Just keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like it just isn't worth it any more? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just keeping failing? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like no one understands what you are going through? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel like you will never win? Keep fighting.
Do you ever feel all alone? Keep fighting.
Do you ever wonder when it will all be over? Keep fighting.
When the Lord sees you in agony, He keeps fighting.
When Jesus sees your hurt, He keeps fighting.
When the Holy Spirit feels your pain, He keeps fighting.
God will not give up on you, He keeps fighting.
God will not abandon you, He keeps fighting.
God knows the out come so He keeps fighting.
Whatever you are going through, do not lose hope, do not give up.
Just keep fighting.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Hope seems so fleeting
You have go to be kidding me. Yet another day of wondering when the struggling will be over. How much longer do we have to go through this? Why can't they just understand what they are doing to themselves? Why do they have to walk right into the devil's traps?
Have you ever felt this way? I know I sure have. It blows. And just when you think that everything is turning around you get told that you are trying to hard. Or that it's not your fault. Why doesn't that help? The people we love seldom see just how much we want them to make good decisions that will draw them closer to God rather than farther away. It feels hopeless at times.
The truth is that hope is not as far away as we think. In the quiet of the day, when you find yourself feeling empty or heartbroken, stop. Just stop. Stop over thinking. Stop thinking worse case scenario. Stop allowing yourself to believe that you are losing the battle for your loved one.
God does not give up on us so why should we even entertain the idea of giving up on those we love.
There are times that I feel as though there is nothing left that I can do, but I am so wrong. I will never roll over and accept defeat. They mean too much to me. I will not just sit back and allow the enemy to take my children, wife, parents, whom ever, out of my life.
God has already given us the victory through Christ Jesus. The Lord says that He will never leave nor forsake us, that gives me hope. I am not alone. I am not abandoned. My savior is with me at all times, feeling my pain, taking my punishment, fighting for me and the ones I love.
Hope is not fleeting. It is right in front of us.
Have you ever felt this way? I know I sure have. It blows. And just when you think that everything is turning around you get told that you are trying to hard. Or that it's not your fault. Why doesn't that help? The people we love seldom see just how much we want them to make good decisions that will draw them closer to God rather than farther away. It feels hopeless at times.
The truth is that hope is not as far away as we think. In the quiet of the day, when you find yourself feeling empty or heartbroken, stop. Just stop. Stop over thinking. Stop thinking worse case scenario. Stop allowing yourself to believe that you are losing the battle for your loved one.
God does not give up on us so why should we even entertain the idea of giving up on those we love.
There are times that I feel as though there is nothing left that I can do, but I am so wrong. I will never roll over and accept defeat. They mean too much to me. I will not just sit back and allow the enemy to take my children, wife, parents, whom ever, out of my life.
God has already given us the victory through Christ Jesus. The Lord says that He will never leave nor forsake us, that gives me hope. I am not alone. I am not abandoned. My savior is with me at all times, feeling my pain, taking my punishment, fighting for me and the ones I love.
Hope is not fleeting. It is right in front of us.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I feel so alone
Do you ever find yourself sitting down and feeling empty? Or feeling like something is wrong inside of you but you don't know what it is?
There are times that I sit at my computer and ponder what my kids must be going through. Those thoughts often grow into thinking about what life would be like without them. Oh how I would hate to experience life again without my kids. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that time would slow down so that I could keep them a little longer.
But alas, they are growing up, and maybe what I feel inside is a sense of loss. It is not that I am actually losing them, but I am losing a certain part of our relationship. A day is coming when I will not see them everyday. A time is coming when I will have to phone them to make an appointment to see them. That is what I am not looking forward too. Thankfully there is more to the story.
I know that my relationship with my children is growing and evolving into something so much deeper than what we have ever had before. The scheduled time that we will have together will be worth putting my all into.
And then one day they will have children, and I will have grandchildren. My kids will learn at that moment just how much I love them. And that is when they will truly begin to see how much God loves them.
So maybe I am not alone. Maybe I am simply mourning the end of one phase of our relationship as I look forward to the next phase.
Loneliness can come for many reasons, but the best way to resolve that is to ask God for a renewal and a filling.
Don't walk alone. He is reaching out His hand to you. Ask Jesus to nurture you.
There are times that I sit at my computer and ponder what my kids must be going through. Those thoughts often grow into thinking about what life would be like without them. Oh how I would hate to experience life again without my kids. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that time would slow down so that I could keep them a little longer.
But alas, they are growing up, and maybe what I feel inside is a sense of loss. It is not that I am actually losing them, but I am losing a certain part of our relationship. A day is coming when I will not see them everyday. A time is coming when I will have to phone them to make an appointment to see them. That is what I am not looking forward too. Thankfully there is more to the story.
I know that my relationship with my children is growing and evolving into something so much deeper than what we have ever had before. The scheduled time that we will have together will be worth putting my all into.
And then one day they will have children, and I will have grandchildren. My kids will learn at that moment just how much I love them. And that is when they will truly begin to see how much God loves them.
So maybe I am not alone. Maybe I am simply mourning the end of one phase of our relationship as I look forward to the next phase.
Loneliness can come for many reasons, but the best way to resolve that is to ask God for a renewal and a filling.
Don't walk alone. He is reaching out His hand to you. Ask Jesus to nurture you.
One of the best visual representations I have ever seen of Christ loving us was a skit I saw on tangle.com. As a dad who loves his children with every ounce of his being I saw myself in the role of Jesus and my child is the one being played by the girl in the video.
I hope that you watch the video as I am going to attach a link to it right here, and as you do, remember that Jesus is fighting for you and your loved ones everyday. When we finally cry out to Him, we unleash a Holy anger against sin.
God HATES sin. Not because we commit it, but because it destroys us. It destroys our children. It destroys His children.
God wants you back.
http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5
I hope that you watch the video as I am going to attach a link to it right here, and as you do, remember that Jesus is fighting for you and your loved ones everyday. When we finally cry out to Him, we unleash a Holy anger against sin.
God HATES sin. Not because we commit it, but because it destroys us. It destroys our children. It destroys His children.
God wants you back.
http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5
Brokenness
You know what I am talking about. Your heart is aching and there seems to be nothing you can do about it. You have constant butterflies in your stomach and you try to stay focused on other things so that you are never alone with your thoughts.
I hate being in that place. Yet, as a father, it is a good place to be. I can certainly relate to my daughter when she says she feels empty and alone. I can respond with empathy to my son when he feels like his world is crumbling in on all sides.
I recently had an experience with God that has altered the way that I look at brokenness. As much as I would love to say that being broken is one of those things that I would eradicate if I had the chance, it is in that brokenness that I find God the Father.
To know that your child is suffering inside and there seems to be nothing you can do to help, is one of the many parts of parenting that I would like to do without. I want to be the hero in my child's life. I want to swoop in and save them from the evil that so prevails in today's culture, but I can't. I can not stop my babies from experiencing hurt and loneliness. However, God has a purpose in it all.
I have come to realize that my Father God allows me to hurt for my children so that I can feel what He feels in regards to us. I have spent many nights awake hurting for my cherished son and daughter. If I could suffer on their behalf so that they could simply enjoy being alive, I would. But that is not how it works.
Each of us must experience life on our own. It is a personal journey that is meant to bring us into worship of our God. To know that the Father has yearned for me as I yearn for my own children causes me to fall deeper in love with who He is.
Brokenness is not something that we are meant to experience alone. It is something that should bring us together. Out of brokenness and despair my family has grown. We look forward, together, for when we will all be made whole again. We all want to be full of life, purpose and joy.
I encourage you, be vulnerable with your kids. Make sure that you are being age appropriate, but vulnerable. Your kids need to know how much you long to have them full of peace, love and happiness. They need to know that they are not alone in their suffering as they grow from children into adults. They need to know they can always count on you to understand their needs and their longings. They want you to be a part of their lives.
So maybe being broken is not as bad as I had thought. If that is what it takes to understand God's love for His children then I am willing to go through it (hopefully I learn quickly).
Enjoy your children and be willing to walk with them when they are broken as the Father in heaven walks alongside of you.
I hate being in that place. Yet, as a father, it is a good place to be. I can certainly relate to my daughter when she says she feels empty and alone. I can respond with empathy to my son when he feels like his world is crumbling in on all sides.
I recently had an experience with God that has altered the way that I look at brokenness. As much as I would love to say that being broken is one of those things that I would eradicate if I had the chance, it is in that brokenness that I find God the Father.
To know that your child is suffering inside and there seems to be nothing you can do to help, is one of the many parts of parenting that I would like to do without. I want to be the hero in my child's life. I want to swoop in and save them from the evil that so prevails in today's culture, but I can't. I can not stop my babies from experiencing hurt and loneliness. However, God has a purpose in it all.
I have come to realize that my Father God allows me to hurt for my children so that I can feel what He feels in regards to us. I have spent many nights awake hurting for my cherished son and daughter. If I could suffer on their behalf so that they could simply enjoy being alive, I would. But that is not how it works.
Each of us must experience life on our own. It is a personal journey that is meant to bring us into worship of our God. To know that the Father has yearned for me as I yearn for my own children causes me to fall deeper in love with who He is.
Brokenness is not something that we are meant to experience alone. It is something that should bring us together. Out of brokenness and despair my family has grown. We look forward, together, for when we will all be made whole again. We all want to be full of life, purpose and joy.
I encourage you, be vulnerable with your kids. Make sure that you are being age appropriate, but vulnerable. Your kids need to know how much you long to have them full of peace, love and happiness. They need to know that they are not alone in their suffering as they grow from children into adults. They need to know they can always count on you to understand their needs and their longings. They want you to be a part of their lives.
So maybe being broken is not as bad as I had thought. If that is what it takes to understand God's love for His children then I am willing to go through it (hopefully I learn quickly).
Enjoy your children and be willing to walk with them when they are broken as the Father in heaven walks alongside of you.
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